Long fields of frolicking stars Quiet Melody and rhythm A Slow random dance step and they part Shower steam when they gather by the thousands There is no distance up they go to still stars color is the only distinction Brightest white to Blazing yellow |
Author's Comments
I wrote this : )
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March 28, 2004
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Comments
"Long fields" is really good. I never would've thought to use "long" to describe a field! That might sound simple, but really, I never would've thought of it.
Nice alliteration with "fields of frolicking" and nice rhyme with "brightest white."
The imagery here is really good; I can picture it all nicely.
The Dictionary-reading dork has only a few complaints. "Fireflys" I believe should be "Fireflies," and in line #2 "Quite" should be "Quiet," I think.
Very cool, man, keep 'em coming.
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